Irish Christmas and year 2016

Hi everyone!

Sorry it took a while to get back to my blog. Last week I was very busy with work and meal prepping and workouts so I didn't really had time to even think about updating my blog. And as I said in my last blog post, last weekend we spent the Irish Christmas at my boyfriend's mother in the countryside.
But, as promised, here is a little sneak peak how my very first Irish Christmas went and also a little summary of year 2016.

So, last Friday after I got home from evening shift, I had quickly my cheat meal which was pizza! After that we packed our stuff into a car and left to the countryside.
Car drive took a bit less than 2 hours or then I just lost the track of time.
It was pretty late when we arrived there, so only thing we pretty much did, was took a shower, ate a bit and went to bed. There was loads to do and discover on the next day anyway.

Next Morning we got up, had breakfast and headed to town. Carrick-on-Shannon isn't very big town, but it was nice anyway. We walked around the tiny town, visited few shops that were still open and got few more presents and little something for ourselves as well. I bought for myself a book.
Later we got back to the house of my boyfriends mother and her husband.
We had dinner and loads of chocolate. I think I can still taste all the chocolate I ate, haha. And mince pies! We had mince pies with cream. At first I was thinking who eats mince meat pies with cream until everyone laughed at me and I realized it didn't meant mince meat. They were absolutely lovely!
In the evening we were all sitting around the table and playing poker for few hours. It was fun and something new as well for me as I had never ever played poker before.

(Mince pie with cream)

So, in Finland most of the people celebrate Christmas already on Christmas eve, which means that they have Christmas dinner and presents on Christmas eve. Also traditionally go to the cemetary and bring candles to the graves of those who have passed away. Also Christmas sauna is usually a must.
In Ireland, on Christmas eve people just prepare for the Christmas day. On Christmas day you have Christmas dinner and presents. So, all that was new.

On the next day, in the morning we shared presents, we had nice walk around the countryside and then we just waited for the amazing Christmas dinner. My belly and taste buds were super excited about it.

In Finland, in the table there is ham, maybe turkey, fish, potato casserole, carrot casserole and swede casserole, different vegetables and gravy, and let's not forget the wine.
In Ireland, people have turkey and stuffing, maybe ham and loads potatoes, vegetables, gravy and wine of course.
And the dessert! Oh my goodness, the Christmas triffle was absolutely gorgeous. My belly was seriously in a point that it would explode in any minute.
I had been on that meal plan for few weeks and it's not too much, so when I ate so much, I kinda pushed my poor belly into it's limits. But I survived the food coma.

I have been good this year because Santa brought me a own dumbbell so I get a little extra boost to workouts that I do at home when gym is closed. I also got nice new gym bag and a gift voucher to the tattoo shop! Yesssssss! Also got a new pyjama and I think the clothes I have the most, are pyjamas, which tells quite a lot about me, haha.

(Instagram: ellusstiina)

I really enjoyed my first Irish Christmas. It was very nice and I felt part of the family.
Of course some recent event's in Finland with my family back there were shadowing a bit my mood.
But we are going over to Finland in 21 days for few days.

So... 2016, how it has been?

Well, it has had it's up's and down's, good's and bad's, something old and something new. Big steps.

I'm happy that my health didn't took any backsteps this year, so my emphysema and asthma are quite on track and I'm still breathing. Trust me, it's a huge achievement.

All in all, so much has happened in such a short period of time that sometimes I'd like to just sit back and think what has happened along the way and try to internalize all this, but it feels I don't have time for that. I'm just all go go go and sleep.

Ever since I decided to move to Ireland, it feels like time has flied. The few months I had time in Finland went so fast, I didn't had time to think about anything.
Same now here. When I got here, I started very soon at my job and it has kept me busy and gym as well. Sure, it's good that I keep myself busy so I don't have too much time to sit and think about the folks in Finland, as harsh as it sounds, but trust me, it's a good way to eliminate the home sickness.
I think I'm slowly settling in. It takes me very long time to adjust into new things and I think I have finally started to get my foot in here.

Any promises for 2017?
Stay away from cigarettes, take care of my lungs, work hard, workout even harder, eat healthy and live free, whatever it means to myself. Get and be more creative, read more, give myself a permission to rest.

Happy New Year and good luck to all of you for 2017 !

xoxo

I'm not a gym rat.... I'm a gym unicorn

Hi everyone !


At the end of my last post I promised to write you about my workout routines and gym now here in Ireland.

As some of you, my dear possible readers know, I used to go to the gym back in Finland for few years. I had decided to start to go to the gym few months after my emphysema diagnose back then as I felt I had to do something.
I didn't really had any workout plan or meal plan either back in Finland.
I used to go to the gym four times a week and I had divided those sessions with muscle groups.
For example, Mondays I did chest and biceps. Wednesdays legs, Fridays shoulders and triceps and on Saturdays back. And I tried to eat healthy, loads of veggies, wholegrain products and lean chicken. I also took protein shakes and creatine. That was about it. So, I have some sort of workout history.

So, after I moved over here (Ireland) I made a decision to continue going to the gym. It is something that I'm very passionate about and somehow exhausting myself and my body, makes my day. Also, seeing your body change keeps you motivated and even if you don't always see the change, you notice how your body can lift more weights than for example a year ago. And when you start doing something and you keep doing it for few years and all of a sudden, there is a break from it, your body and most of all your head, starts to miss the workout.

I noticed this missing the gym and working out when I moved over here.
For the first week I decided to take it easy and not to worry about finding the gym to join.
It took me about a month to join a gym. I can only blame myself for it. I was being lazy but at the same time, it felt like my head was falling part because there was no proper stimulus for my body.
It just felt hard to find the right one.

So, after awhile I found a gym to join (also thanks to my boyfriend and his suggestions). I decided to try GNS Fitness. Now, I have been going to the gym for about 3 months, 4 times a week.
It finally feels like I'm back into it and my body feels great. Sore after workouts tho'.... naturally.

At first my 4 times a week schedule was, Mondays Pull (which means back and biceps), Tuesdays legs, Wednesdays full-body conditioning (cardio hell) and Friday was Push (chest, shoulders and triceps). And let me tell you, each session is about 30 minutes, which might seem at first quite short time, but... every time you go out there, there is a trainer telling you what to do and pushing you. Those cardio sessions are usually about 45 minutes long, which were hell for me. I actually had my very first bad asthma attack in one of the classes. And what your smart ass Finnish gal did? Gasped air for few minutes, thought about dying, having panic attack as well, sat down minute or two and then, kept on going again. Yea, my limitations were slapping my face on each cardio session and sometimes it felt great to survive and do good enough in the cardio session and sometimes it got me to the point when I just wanted to cry because of my limitations. Why I have to suck at breathing?
So, this went on for a few months and only about few weeks ago I had my assessment with one of the the great trainers in there and he decided to change my program and also made a meal plan for me.

What he did, is that now on Mondays I do Push, Tuesdays are legs 2 (which means that it is mostly hammies and glutes that I work on), Wednesday is rest day and Thursday is Pull and Friday is legs 1 (which means hitting legs very very hard). So, no more cardio for this gal (phew, walking does me just fine). Meal plan is to eat 5 meals during the day. It contains breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner plus all the protein shakes and other supplements (vitamins, cla's etc).

And for the first time ever, I actually have to weight my food. I never ever would have imagined it to be so hard. But after few weeks, you just kinda get used to it. Or at least, I have gotten used to it.
It can be irritating when you don't hit 120 grams at first, and you just have to keep on adding more and then taking out, but I want to believe it is gonna be worth it.
And as my trainer said, this is something we do to see how it affects my body so we know how much more or less I should eat and what to add or what to take off. As my goal is build lean muscle.

But the best thing is, I am allowed to have a cheat meal on Fridays, which smells like pizza and chocolate desserts. Yummy yummy!

So, I have found my gym, I think. I like it there. Each workout makes me sweat like a pig, I honestly didn't sweat like that ever back in Finland. And they say that good things come to those who sweat, right? All the trainers are great up there, they are very supporting and they push you to do your best. They tell you how to do movements right and they also give you that little extra push you need to do those last two reps. When you do things right, they notice it and tell you it.
It's a good place to workout in my opinion.

I have also found a place where to get my supplements from. Or at least, some of them.
I order my protein and some little thingys from Discount supplements. They have wide range of products and the thing I have found the best is that they deliver very fast for you and prices are not too overwhelming.

So, here was a little opening how my fitness journey is going on.
I'm beyond excited to see how my body will react to this new meal plan and workout plan as well.
If you want something you never had, you have to do something you have never done.
Step out from your comfort zone, results don't grow in there.

And I also wanna remind all people with asthma and emphysema, exercise as much as you can. Don't go over your limits, but do exercise. This is something that even doctors recommend and I couldn't agree more. I know that the beginning is always hard but if you keep your head and keep doing it, it will reward you and you will actually feel better. You can even find better balance to treat your asthma and you find yourself being able to do things.
You don't have to go to the gym, you don't have to run, just find the one thing that you wanna do and you're half way there. Stay motivated. Exercise, eat well and rest enough. :)

It's Christmas week already! It's amazing how fast time has flied by.
I'm very excited to spend my very first Irish Christmas with my boyfriend and his family this year, all tho' I miss my family very much.
And also, trainers have given me permission to enjoy Christmas food, so also my belly and taste buds are excited.

Next time I will let you know how my first Irish Christmas went. :)

xoxo

psst... few links for you to check out if interested:
http://www.discountsupplements.ie/ 
http://gnsfitness.ie/

First hospital visit

Hi all!

On my last post I already mentioned that I have my first hospital visit coming up.

So, I had my first hospital visit in Peamount hospital last Friday (9.12) and I was thinking that I'll let you know how it went as big part of my blog is about my emphysema.

Naturally I was worried and stressed. Mostly I was afraid how my breathing test results will be, are they gonna be a lot worse, is there big changes in x-rays, etc.

I had blood tests taken some weeks ago at my local GP. Those were fine, all tho' the interesting thing was that I have a little bit of bad cholesterol and also anemia is trying to kick back.
GP said not to worry about it too much yet, as I am still young and it isn't anything that diet and excersise wouldn't fix. Afterwards I laughed a lot about it... how much healthier I should eat and and how much I would need to excersise?
Because, I eat quite healthy, no red meat at all, lots of veggies and wholegrain products. And I excersise daily, I walk to work and back, I go to gym 4 times a week (also walk up to gym and back home) and I do long walks on the weekends.
But as said, I'm not gonna worry those too much. Cholesterol runs in the family, so it might be something that I can't even do nothing about.
And I also have 4 times higher risk to get a embolism than an average person.

Okay, so at Peamount I first went in with one of the nurses who just took some information about me, height, weight, what inhalers I use, etc.
After awhile I met the doctor.
"How can I help you?" he asked. I told him that I have asthma and emphysema.
He asked few questions about my asthma and then he came back to emphysema and said "You cannot have emphysema!".
Of course I can't, I'm just making random shit up from head and I decided to choose emphysema, sounds miserable enough.
He went through the papers that my GP had sent and I tried to offer him a CD where all my x-rays are burned into (back in Finland), but he didn't want to see them.
He just couldn't believe it. Yea, me either....
Then he asked more about family history, inhalers, how I excersise, looked at my last breathing test results that were made in Finland and I also mentioned to him that I had pneumothorax when I was 17, not caused by trauma.
"I just find it very hard to believe you have emphysema, you are so young!" he said after awhile.
"Yea I know, even in Finland they were quite blown away with it" I answered.
He listened to my lungs and checked my hands, mostly my fingers I think (for some reason).
He was ashtonished, how someone so young can have emphysema, bad breathing test results, still sit there bubbly and do lots of excersising.
Yup the yup... that's what we all have been wondering but guess what?
Life isn't fair.

The end result was that I was worrying for now way too much for nothing.
Doctor wants to start all fresh with me, get new bood tests, breathing tests, walking tests, CT scans etc. I found it very frustrating to start this circus all over again, but then again I kinda get it.
So yeah, I was worrying and stressing for nothing this time.
I got new appointment for breathing tests and skin test, which is in January. And I will receive appointment time for CT scans and walking tests by mail. And I will meet the doctor again in March.

How I feel after my first visit to the hospital?
Empty. Frustrated. And kinda sad.
It is a long progress to start all over again. But it doesn't bother me as much as people not believing you when you tell them that you really are sick.

I have been dealt with a very bad hand in life. We can start from the pneumothorax, then go to anorexia, depression, anxiety, anemia, asthma and now this emphysema. There's quite a lot of suffering for one tiny human being.
I just refuse to give up. And I refuse to show my struggle to you. I have to be in deep pain until I tell you how much I hurt inside.
But if you come close to me when I walk, you can hear it. If you see me at the gym, you might see me struggle. If you hear me coughing and look closely, you might see it hurts.
If you look deep into my eyes, you can see the pain in my eyes.

So when someone doubts my illness, it hurts. But then again, I have heard it all before.
Even a doctor in Finland said to me "You don't even know what it feels like to be really sick".
So... I guess you just kinda get used to all the doubts at some point, tho' it hurts that you have to prove yourself, especially to doctors.

 Turn my body inside out and it will tell you a whole different story.

It has been quite hard and emotional week especially since I got some bad news from Finland of my grandpa. He is still alive but not doing so good. It makes very sad and I'm just afraid that next time when I go to Finland, he might be living in a rest home and who knows, might not recognize me anymore and even know who he is. I just hope with all my heart that he will be allright.

Maybe next week will be a better one. One can always hope. :)

Anyways, long story again... next time I will be talking about working out and gym.
Feel free to leave comments or questions or whatever. :)

Until next time.

xoxo

From Finland to Ireland

Hi all!

As promised, I'm gonna tell you a little bit about the big move from my safe port to into big unknown.

So, last June (2016), when I was visiting my boyfriend in Ireland we decided to start our life together, which meant that I would move over to Ireland as I didn't had a job in Finland or anything so important that would stop me from moving over here.

I moved over to Ireland at the end of August.
The two months I had time to get my shit together in Finland before the move, was stressful and quite exciting as well. And hard.

First of all, I had to get all important documents about my emphysema and my medication before the move.
Luckily I had one more appointment to go at in big hospital in Helsinki before the move.

Well... it didn't went as planned. They had promised to get me a doctors summary about my illness and also explain what the current situation is (because I had asked about this earlier just in case something like this would happen). As soon as they found out that I am about to leave the country, they said they cannot provide that piece of paper for me.
Oh well... tests and all went fine in the hospital. Doctor said there is no change in my condition which is good. At the end of discussion, doctor asked if I have any questions, I just pointed out that I am going to move to Ireland in few months and that I won't be coming over here for next appointment anymore.
All of a sudden the doctor needed to consult the senior doctor. It took about 30 minutes.
When the doctor came back, she said that they went through all my x-rays and other information that they just had about my illness. And all of a sudden I was very sick and I have high risk of getting pneumothorax. "We cannot recommend that you move over there. We cannot recommend that you fly with airplane."
What they suggested was that I should go to a test, where they give me oxygen which has about the same pressure as in airplane to see if I could handle it, but I would have to pay it myself and it costs 300 euros. Sure.... My dad asked can they then recommend me to fly if the test goes well and will they take responsibility. "Of course not and we cannot be responsible if something happens, even if you take the test."
So, it was quite obvious I didn't take the test as it seemed like a big bunch of bullshit.
And I had flied just few weeks ago to Ireland and Finland. And it went well.
Sure there is risks but then again.... someone can hide a bomb into the airplane and it will blow up. Or I might get a pneumothorax on the very next day.

I got the x-rays from my home town hospital and the summary about my illness from the other hospital that had treated me. So, it was all good to go.

Getting rid of my apartment was piece of cake and also getting rid of my furniture and other belongings was quite easy.
I ended up selling some of the furniture and some stuff I took to my parents house.



The biggest and heart breaking "thing" was my dog.
I tried to get her with me. I e-mailed different airlines and even called them.
My dog, german shepherd Frida is a quite a big girl, so I couldn't get her a box that should normally do a german shepherd. We had one old box that our family used to fly our Tibetan mastiff to Belgium where we lived when I was 12 yrs old. So, I decided I could use that.
Turned out it was too big for the planes that would directly fly from Helsinki to Dublin and Norwegian wouldn't take any animals on their planes which I found very odd.
But obviously Ireland has just as strict rules about transporting pets as Great Britain.
So, I had two options. Pay 1900 euros (or maybe more), fly Frida from Helsinki to Frankfurt and pray that she would make it to the connection flight from Frankfurt to Dublin on the same day, otherwise she would spend a night in Frankfurt. You can imagine that I wasn't very comfortable with the idea.
Other option was to flight Frida to London (GB) from Helsinki and I would have to pick her up from there. It would have cost pretty much the same 1900 euros.
So, I thought about these options for a month or so and made a heart breaking decision to leave her Finland to live with my parents and their dogs. And my parents were fine with it.
I thought nearly 2000 euros was too big price to see if that flying would fuck up my dog. And I knew she would be in good hands and live happy life.

I got myself a job even before I moved. I did some online interviews and tests, passed them and got the information that I have a job if I just want it.
Hell yes! (Little did I know....)

So came the end of August. My boyfriend came to Finland few days before I was going to fly over to Ireland with him.
The last days in Finland were quite emotional and I just tried put my feelings aside.
The day when I was leaving was fucking horrible, to be brutally honest. It was hard to say goodbye to my family with whom I am very close and it was heart breaking to hug my dog for the last time in a long time. Yup, I cried. I had a plan, I put some make up on so I can't cry because if I cry, it will ruin my make up, well, my plan didn't work.

It has been now a bit over 3 months since I jumped on a plane and flew over here. I'm happy... I think.

It has been hard. I have had very bad days, bad days and normal days, mostly because of my emphysema. And if I have bad day with it, I just have a bad day. Last time I had a good day was probably 18 yrs ago. So... if I look unhappy to you, it is just my face.

To be honest, I don't like my job.
I sit 8 hours a day, waiting for a phone to ring and then trying to help user's with their computer issues. So yes. I work in a call center as technical support analyst (level 1). Salary ain't too great not to mention that there isn't benefits.

Health system in Ireland is quite different compared to Finland.
Here you have to have your own doctor and you just visit him or her whenever you have to. And everytime it will cost you 50 euros.
In Ireland you can get a medical card which should sort you out. You get it for example if you are unemployed. So there is a limit how much money you are allowed to get in amonth to be eligble for the medical card.
There is also GP visit card which covers your GP (a.k.a. doctor) visits but there is income limits aswell.
But if you are working, you just pay everything yourself. I find it quite weird. It doesn't really think about people with chronical illnesses who have to go to doctors appointments, hospitals and get meds.
My salary ain't so great in that call center so sometimes I am a bit afraid how I can afford all the living and keeping up with my health and buying the meds.
But I think I will manage it... Things tend to work themselves out.

I have my own doctor now and I am going to the hospital on next week Friday for my very first breathing tests and x-rays in here. Keep your thumbs up for me.

Living is quite expensive in here. But then again, so it is in Finland. Money comes and goes. I'm not gonna open that one more up, guess you all know what it is like...



I love the nature here. It is a little bit different than in Finland but anyways, I love it. Most of all I love the mountains. There is no real forests like in Finland, but there is other nice places where you can go for a walk. I mean, there is forests, but those are not the same as in Finland.

Most of the people are very nice, I mean Irish people. The other immigrants (haha as myself) can be...well... not so nice. I know this because the place where I work is full of different nationalities and I deal with those people pretty much everyday. There is few nice people but most of them are... well, assholes. And I do count myself as one of the assholes, no worries.
But Irish people are very nice. Kind hearted and lovely people with usually laid back nature and good sense of humor.

What I miss the most from Finland?
My dog. Without a doubt. My heart breaks everyday when I live without her. But I know I will see her sooner or later and I know she is living happy life there with my parents and their dogs.
I also miss my family.
RYE BREAD! That is something I miss when I think about food. I have tried to look for it from different shops but nope, these folks just don't have it. Luckily my mom sends me some rye bread every now and then.
I also miss the personal space, quiet and alone time. Finns are quite famous for their personal space and being quiet.
So no, I'm not unhappy, I just appreciate silence and I like to spend time on my own.

Okay, yous probably think that I seem to be just giving out and complaining.
Don't get me wrong. I like it here. I wouldn't have stayed here for this long if I would hate it.
I think I'm still going through some settling in phase. And it takes time to get your shit together.

Over all... it has been quite interesting 3 months so far. Hard days, nice days, bad days, good days (tho' I said I haven't had ones for the past 18 yrs haha).
There is many things I miss in Finland but I wouldn't change a thing.
New starts are never easy and nothing worth having comes easy, you just have to keep your head high no matter what happens and push through the obstacles that are being put on your way.
That's how you make it and make the best out of your life.
Enjoy the little things and don't let even smallest things ruin your day. Remember why you started.

Never hesitate to say yes to challenges and new adventures in life. Leave your comfort zone, be bold and live your life to the fullest without regrets.
We all have only one life to live and if you live it to the fullest, it is just enough.

xoxo

I'm alive

Hi everyone!

I'm still alive all tho' from last post has been ages.

I have been thinking about getting active with my blog again since my life has gotten interesting turns and twist, ups and downs.

First of all, I have decided to start writing in English. Mostly because it is possible to attract wider group of readers. Note to all tho', my english is far from perfect as it is not my mother language and I'm just not perfect at it. But I'm gonna do my best and forgive me.

So, just because there might be few new readers, I'm gonna give you a quick brief about the gal who is behind this laptop screen.

I am twenty-something gal from Finland, now living in Ireland. I moved to Ireland after the love of my life last August (2016).

 (Ireland)

I got diagnosed with asthma several years ago and only two years ago I got heavy diagnose, emphysema.
I have had very bad anorexia when I was 19 yrs old.

Mostly I am writing this blog for myself, to lighten my mind, get all the heavy stuff out. And hopefully inspiring people with their own chronic illness battles.

I am very passionate about photographing, jogging and also going to the gym.
I love good food that is healthy.
I used to be lacto-ovo-vegetarian for 5 yrs ages ago, but I got so bad anemia that I started to eat chicken and fish.

What I am posting will be about healthy life, gym, food and also telling my everyday stories what it is like to live with quite bad asthma, emphysema and anorexia past.
There is no day that life would be easy, I can guarantee you that.

I will also post photos of myself, food, places...pretty much of everything. So beware! Haha.

Allright, long story short, I'll post soon enough more updates about my big move from Finland to Ireland and how the past almost 3 months have been.

I'm currently having a very bad flu so my every-day-life is quite hard at the moments right now.

(When in flu, wear your most comfy and warm clothes)

If you ever have any questions that you would like to ask, don't hesitate to ask! I'd be happy to answer to the best I can to your questions about these illnesses or whatever it is that is on your mind. And feel free to leave comments. :)

Until next time. :)

xoxo,
 Elina