First hospital visit

Hi all!

On my last post I already mentioned that I have my first hospital visit coming up.

So, I had my first hospital visit in Peamount hospital last Friday (9.12) and I was thinking that I'll let you know how it went as big part of my blog is about my emphysema.

Naturally I was worried and stressed. Mostly I was afraid how my breathing test results will be, are they gonna be a lot worse, is there big changes in x-rays, etc.

I had blood tests taken some weeks ago at my local GP. Those were fine, all tho' the interesting thing was that I have a little bit of bad cholesterol and also anemia is trying to kick back.
GP said not to worry about it too much yet, as I am still young and it isn't anything that diet and excersise wouldn't fix. Afterwards I laughed a lot about it... how much healthier I should eat and and how much I would need to excersise?
Because, I eat quite healthy, no red meat at all, lots of veggies and wholegrain products. And I excersise daily, I walk to work and back, I go to gym 4 times a week (also walk up to gym and back home) and I do long walks on the weekends.
But as said, I'm not gonna worry those too much. Cholesterol runs in the family, so it might be something that I can't even do nothing about.
And I also have 4 times higher risk to get a embolism than an average person.

Okay, so at Peamount I first went in with one of the nurses who just took some information about me, height, weight, what inhalers I use, etc.
After awhile I met the doctor.
"How can I help you?" he asked. I told him that I have asthma and emphysema.
He asked few questions about my asthma and then he came back to emphysema and said "You cannot have emphysema!".
Of course I can't, I'm just making random shit up from head and I decided to choose emphysema, sounds miserable enough.
He went through the papers that my GP had sent and I tried to offer him a CD where all my x-rays are burned into (back in Finland), but he didn't want to see them.
He just couldn't believe it. Yea, me either....
Then he asked more about family history, inhalers, how I excersise, looked at my last breathing test results that were made in Finland and I also mentioned to him that I had pneumothorax when I was 17, not caused by trauma.
"I just find it very hard to believe you have emphysema, you are so young!" he said after awhile.
"Yea I know, even in Finland they were quite blown away with it" I answered.
He listened to my lungs and checked my hands, mostly my fingers I think (for some reason).
He was ashtonished, how someone so young can have emphysema, bad breathing test results, still sit there bubbly and do lots of excersising.
Yup the yup... that's what we all have been wondering but guess what?
Life isn't fair.

The end result was that I was worrying for now way too much for nothing.
Doctor wants to start all fresh with me, get new bood tests, breathing tests, walking tests, CT scans etc. I found it very frustrating to start this circus all over again, but then again I kinda get it.
So yeah, I was worrying and stressing for nothing this time.
I got new appointment for breathing tests and skin test, which is in January. And I will receive appointment time for CT scans and walking tests by mail. And I will meet the doctor again in March.

How I feel after my first visit to the hospital?
Empty. Frustrated. And kinda sad.
It is a long progress to start all over again. But it doesn't bother me as much as people not believing you when you tell them that you really are sick.

I have been dealt with a very bad hand in life. We can start from the pneumothorax, then go to anorexia, depression, anxiety, anemia, asthma and now this emphysema. There's quite a lot of suffering for one tiny human being.
I just refuse to give up. And I refuse to show my struggle to you. I have to be in deep pain until I tell you how much I hurt inside.
But if you come close to me when I walk, you can hear it. If you see me at the gym, you might see me struggle. If you hear me coughing and look closely, you might see it hurts.
If you look deep into my eyes, you can see the pain in my eyes.

So when someone doubts my illness, it hurts. But then again, I have heard it all before.
Even a doctor in Finland said to me "You don't even know what it feels like to be really sick".
So... I guess you just kinda get used to all the doubts at some point, tho' it hurts that you have to prove yourself, especially to doctors.

 Turn my body inside out and it will tell you a whole different story.

It has been quite hard and emotional week especially since I got some bad news from Finland of my grandpa. He is still alive but not doing so good. It makes very sad and I'm just afraid that next time when I go to Finland, he might be living in a rest home and who knows, might not recognize me anymore and even know who he is. I just hope with all my heart that he will be allright.

Maybe next week will be a better one. One can always hope. :)

Anyways, long story again... next time I will be talking about working out and gym.
Feel free to leave comments or questions or whatever. :)

Until next time.

xoxo